So I decided to bring back a topic from one of my first Blog posts (I'm sure all 2 of you that read my blog are thrilled). This isn't exactly a genre of games I play all that much, not that it's gonna stop me from bitching about them. I guess I should clarify what I mean by "rhythm" games I mean any game where your doing something involving music be it playing, dancing to, singing to etc. (DDR, Guitar Hero, Karaoke Revolution, etc.). For the sake of discussion I'll have to stick to DDR, Guitar Hero, and Rock Band since they're the only games like this that I've played (I'm sure everyone's sad I've never played Karaoke Revolution). So, let's begin:
-Retarded hard songs/difficulty settings:
Songs like MAX 300 from DDR, or Through the Fire and the Flames on Guitar Hero. Basically anything that requires some part of you to be a human jack hammer for 5-10mins. straight. There's nothing fun about "dancing" to a song that makes you look like a combination of a guy from "River Dance" and someone having a seizure. Or breaking the strumming toggle switch thing on the guitar contoller trying to get 100% on what's basically an 8 minute long solo of 128th notes (though I have to admit the plastic machine gun noise is cool). I mean it's not that I don't appreciate that someone pissed away a month worth of afternoons for a combination of masterbation (the only real exercise gamers get), and 3 hour long "practice" mode sessions, just so they could make the first Youtube vid showing them actually passing an 8 minute song from hell. It's just I don't really see the point, it's not even fun at that point, it's a tedious fucking chore. And on top of that, the best thing you can hope for is to be the first person to beat it and make said Youtube video, since no one's gonna give a shit about the second guy onward, they already saw that shit last week when the crazy Japanese guy beat it, your just another dude on the list.
-It doesn't teach you shit:
This is my favorite, anyone who thinks Guitar Hero teaches you to play guitar, or DDR teaches you to dance....LOL WUT, SRSLY (yeah, I know, I'm dissapointed that I just typed that too). I mean the closest teaching thing I can think of in any rhythm game is the drums from Rock Band and Guitar Hero: World Tour, and even that's a stretch, since at best it teaches you how to keep a beat (and use your foot independently of your hands). Except that drum sets usually have more than 4 drums and a bass (5 if your talking GH:WT) and drummers use both feet. Guitar Hero's guitar teaches you about as much about playing a real guitar as upgrading a car in Gran Turismo teaches you about auto mechanics (hint: fucking nothing). And if you tryed to "dance" using anything you learn playing DDR, people would probably just get that sad/dissapointed look on thier face, like when they see a retarded child flailing around.
It reminds me of watching Youtube videos where someone sets a really high "drift" score on Need for Speed: Carbon, then reading the comments where people go on and on about what car is the best real life drift car, and how NFS made them want to go to the local "touge" and do some "drifting". Yeah right, sorry to ruin your day buddy, but drifting on NFS and drifting in real life have about as much in common as a Rolex and a watch you buy out of a gumball machine. Besides the fact that your more than likely a dipshit 15 year old who's driving with mommy and daddy on a permit, and the only drifting your gonna be doing is when you slide into a curb trying to duplicate some shit you saw in Tokyo Drift.
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